Funerals is the best detector of saturation of words. There is no way to say empty words without everybody noticing it in the room full of pain, love and sadness. Yes, love. Love cannot be insincere and when a dear to your heart human dies you feel nothing but genuine pure love. All of the senseless and unimportant things just peel off from your heart and you regret missed moments with a human you are missing now and today.
My aunt’s name was Nadia, which means — Hope. She was a beautiful woman with a strong and vulnerable heart. Many people loved her. She was the kind of woman you could see tenderness of her inside world by looking in her eyes. You wanted to protect her from all the storms outside, but she faced all of them with such courage.
Aunt Nadia died.
There were a lot of old people at the funeral — her friends and family, listening to the sincere and insincere words. I looked up as birds intentionally were drawing invisible lines in the sky. My grandma held my hand and said — «I love you so much».
I love you so much. That was the most sincere words I’ve heard this summer. I looked at her blue lively eyes and I saw all the skies of every day of her life till this moment gathered there. «I love you too, granny».
We live in the finite world, penetrated with «bye forever»s. But here’s the thing — we can say «bye forever» to a moment. Who am I without Jesus? A moment, which lasts for years. Our body is just a kaleidoscope of different size moments, which assimilate into one life-long deep affecting moment. Then death comes and draws the line. And if we want to live our tomorrow, we have to say «Bye forever, my Beautiful Moment. I let you go». Feeling this piece of death inside of our hearts.
This kind of pain wasn’t meant for humans. We should’n say «bye forever» to each other. Jesus came into our world, living his 33-year long moment, feeling these pieces of death every day. Every single day, he was feeling human pain much more deeper then humans, because He let His heart be absolutely open. He did it for us not to be just a pile of moments. He faced the Death on the Cross for us to cross the line of death.
God doesn’t want us to say «bye forever» to each other. God doesn’t want to say «bye forever» to us, his favorite humans.
When I think I will never see the beautiful eyes of my aunt, I feel the pain of this piece of death. In the next moment I hear the familiar gentle Voice from the very inside of my world — «I love you so much».
I love you too, Jesus.